Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
