Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize