I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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