He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
