I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
