well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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