I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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