you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
