Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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