i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
