I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
