Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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