Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
