Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
