I wish i was in the wii world.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
