Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
