Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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