And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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