Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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