Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
