Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so that wasnt chicken after all
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize