i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
