i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
