I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
