Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she peed on how many people?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
