Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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