I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
