i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
