Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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