biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
