We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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