i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
