I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
