Ketchup is God's man juice
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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