Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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