I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
