the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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