when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
