I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize