you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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