dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
