I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
