Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
