is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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