Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
