look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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