I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize