Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
