Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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