T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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