another moral hangover. fuck.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
