This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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