chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
