I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
