i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
