Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
