dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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