Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Fuck appropriateness.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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