omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
vagina is talking i cant
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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