capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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