Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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