I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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