K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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