I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
