You just made me feel so damn special
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
