Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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